Friday, January 14, 2011

Let's be useful...

As well as ornamental. Shall we?

My grandma, who we call Precious, says this.
Which means my mom, who we call mom, says this.
Which means that I, who we call me, says this too.

My mom & her mom

Me & my mom
Here's the thing, I am at home A LOT. A LOT as in all day most days except for about on hour each afternoon and Tuesday and Wednesday evenings. So, amazing right? So much time at home, so much time to do so much.

Except, I suck at being at home. I'm really bad at it. Really. I sleep in, I wonder around trying to think of things to do, none of which seem right. I want to be lazy and then feel guilty for being lazy. I calculate how much money I could make for our family if I had another job that filled these hours. I panic about my future and what if I never find a career that fills these hours with meaningful work and what if I am miserable forever and what if nothing ever works out!?

Ugh. Shut that lady up already. See what I have to put up with all day? She's so obnoxious.

I think my biggest problem is that I can't seem to find a way to be useful. I want to be used (in a good way) to do something to make the world a better place each day but most of the time I just hang out on facebook and wait for people to post stuff.

"There is a world of difference between being a woman and being an old female. If you're born a girl, grow up, and live long enough, you can become an old female. But, to become a woman is a serious matter. A woman takes responsibility for the time she takes up and the space she occupies." - Maya Angelou

This is where I fail. I wait for other people to tell me how to be useful, to give me a responsibility, rather than taking it upon myself to create something new each day.

Another challenge is that you can't do this by yourself and in our current location I have not found those friends and colleagues who inspire me, push me, encourage me, and give me the little "oomphs" that I need to do on a daily basis. I wish I didn't need the oomphs, but I do, it's just how I'm wired I guess. I have S but that is a mighty big responsibility for one person.

We have about six more months here in Georgia before we are off on our next adventure (aka we have absolutely no idea what's next). I really hope I can find a way to be useful.

But if I can't, could you possibly increase the frequency of your facebook and blog posts? It would really help me pass the time.

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