Thursday, August 18, 2011

Under Construction

If you really squint, back there, behind that barrier, you can see my life.  It's tiny, but it's there.  It's undergoing some major renovations.

A year ago I was busy applying to PhD programs at three schools.  Busy, busy, busy.  Making my dream come true!  Fast forward several months and I was licking my wounds after being rejected by all three schools.  Ouch!

I fully intended to apply to schools again for next fall.  I have an spreadsheet all laid out with schools all over the world to compare and contrast.  A few weeks ago I took the brand spankin' new GRE - just four days after it was released!  What?  That doesn't sound exciting?  Like going to the opening weekend of Harry Potter all decked out in your wizard gear?

But then I started thinking about my life and what I want it to look like with lots of specifics.  I want a lot of freedom.  I want to be surrounded by creativity.  I want to see my yet-to-be-born kids and S everyday but I also want projects that help bring people together.  I want to use my skills.  I want to LOVE where I live.  I want to get up every morning excited to meet the day.  And cue the music...and the idealism...

Okay, that's a lot to ask.  And I thought be a professor would get me as close as I was going to get to my dream.  But then I had visions, like Miss Cleo type visions.  I saw myself in school, working my rear off, while also trying to start a family, and staying up all night trying to finish papers and a dissertation and regretting that I couldn't give enough attention to my work or my family.  Then seven years down the line, I have a completed book, a degree in hand, and I am Dr. B!  And I still can't find a job because you have to fight tooth and nail for a tenure-track position and then, even if I find a position, it might be somewhere we hate and never wanted to live in the first place.

AHHHHHHHH!!!!  That sounds horrible!  And it might not end up that way at all, but you know what?  I am not willing to risk it.  And then I had a revelation.  In the shower, of course.

To get the life I want, I have to CREATE the life I want.

Duh.  But seriously, I'm not going to find my dream job because my dream job is just that, something I dreamed up, and if I am waiting for someone else to give me that job then I have a whole lotta waiting ahead of me.  During the next few days, in quick succession, I was inspired.

I was inspired by this
Camp Wandawega as featured on The Lettered Cottage
and this
and this 

 After another shower, I opened a new document on our desktop title "THE DREAM -a working document to chart a joyful life" and started putting to paper what I imagined for our life.  When S got home that night I said, "uh, I have something to show you, let me know what you think."  Luckily, he thought it was great and then his Libra mind started planning out a step by step process to make THE DREAM happen while my little Pisces heart was still carrying the idea around to see how it "feels."

It's in the early stages so I'm not read to make any announcements or anything.  We've given ourselves a five year plan to get things started and I've decided to not apply to PhD programs right now.  Instead I'm looking at great schools that have Master of Arts Administration (or Management) degrees 100% online (there are exactly three).

Whenever it does all come together, we'll let you know and hopefully in a few years you'll be able to join us!  We should have plenty of room.

1 comment:

  1. This post makes me happy. And I cannot wait to see what's in store for you. And I LOVE IT that you are going in a totally new direction. Love, love, love.